A Lunatic, A Piece of Shit, & A Spiritual Leader

But which one is which?

Self-Aware Tree

I mean "TREE!"

Classy Motherfucker

My Next Tattoo...

I'm thinking about getting a shitty black-line drawing of an eighth note.
Said eighth note will be emerging from a set of poorly drawn butt-cheeks.
The butt cheeks will be on my bicep, and every time I need to fart, I'll flex my muscle to emphasize the fact that I'm dumb.

A Photographic Study Of The Exterior Of My Refrigerator

Beautiful Poetry Right Here.

My Refrigerator (interior) "All The Staples Of A Healthy Lifestyle"

Some bourbon, some ginger ale, an apple, 2 kinds of creamy peanut butter, 4 kinds of beer, tabasco, lime juice, grade b syrup, tobacco, a single ketchup packet, fruit cups & soy beans.

Off The Wall At The Lucky Dog

Fish, Fat Kid, Creep, & Bumblebee

Next Performance:

That's a fucking lineup right there!
You'd be a sucker to miss this one.

Suffolk's Finest, Hard At Work

Keeping the Streets safe, and the Doughnuts eaten.

fOREVERHAM Lincoln

Getting Kicked Off The Stage With Afterbirth Last Week...

Got Me All Nostalgic...
I went & tracked down this picture of myself & Joe Brown, from the night that we got kicked off of our FIRST stage ever.
Maggie's in West Babylon.
That place was a shithole.
And I'm pretty sure the "stage" was usually a dining room, but they replaced the tables with a P.A. system for the night.

Page From My Notebook

Words Were Meant To Be Spoken

Worst Performance Ever

Impromptu set at The Shangrila Resort at GOTJ 2009 in Harden County, Illinois.
The set was plagued by malfunctioning equipment, oppressive heat, water balloons, & a bunch of wild honkys from Massachusetts..
This is a clip of some shit-talking while the soundmen were trying to get the music working, followed by part of the song "Jerking Off All Over Myself", followed by more malfunctioning equipment & even more shittalking.
Enjoy! (?)

Afterbirth Grabbing His Infernal Balls part 8

Afterbirth Grabbing His Blasted Balls part 7

Afterbirth Grabbing His Darned Balls part 6

Afterbirth Grabbing His CockSucking Balls part 5

Afterbirth Grabbing His Dadblamed Balls part 4

Afterbirth Grabbing His Goddamned Balls part 3

Afterbirth Grabbing His Fucking Balls part 2

Afterbirth Grabbing His Balls, part 1

You know what they say, when you find some good friends, you need to hang on to em.
And that's exactly how it's going down right here.
I have a shit-ton of pictures of Afterbirth grabbing his balls.
Maybe I'll post them as a series, or maybe he'll kick my ass over the shit.

Video: fM & Afterbirth Video Show Intro

You need flash to watch this.

Remnants Of My Presence.

Seriously, Just Ask.

Last Time I Went To An Andrew WK Show

I took his advice to heart, and partied til I puked.
That may or may not be blood in the mix.

I Got Something Just For YOU!

This Shit Came Out Of My Nose.

Boat Paint.

You'd be surprised how many people called me for bad sex

This is apparently off the wall in a WalMart in Massachusetts.

Self Portrait, circa 2000-2001

Sketch From My Notebook

This is a fuckin juggler.

Blueprint: The Shittiest Bong Ever

My father and I actually attempted to build this ill-fated piece of paraphernalia.
It consisted of a cannibalized chamber-bowl, an extraneous elbow joint with the bottom drilled out, an extra bowl piece, some surgical tubing, and an aquarium filter.

Sketch From My Notebook

A mostly naked librarian-type chick.
Inspired by a pictorial in Club International.

Sketch From My Notebook

While under the influence of AMT.
Your guess is as good as mine.

Blast From The Past: Me & Sindee Williams

This is a picture of Porn Star Sindee Williams, and my goofy ass in face paint at GOTJ in Peoria, Illinois, back in 2002.
I'm not sure if those are bite marks or herpes on her chest, but whatever they are, she didn't get them from me. And believe me, I was trying to kick some game.
Earlier in the day, before this picture was taken, I was outside my hotel, chillin with random motherfuckers in the parking lot. I was chilling with some funny chubby motherfucker for like an hour, when out of nowhere, "Missy" comes walking up with a bag of food for him.
It turns out, he was her son. I remember as if it was a meal ago, she went out to get dinner for him, but wasn't sure if he wanted Chicken, or Waffles, so she got him BOTH, plus fries and biscuits for good measure.

Build an insult with fM

Time for a little english lesson.
I'm going to share with you my own custom method for creating an impromptu all purpose insult which may or may not be funny or offensive.
Let's see how it goes.

This is a three step process...

Step one- you start out with a known vulgarity, used as a verb
(e.g. "fucking", "shitting", "cunting", etc.)

Step two- choose your favorite (or least favorite) meat product.
(e.g. "pork", scrapple", "slim jim", etc.)

Step three- choose the most delicious pastry that comes to mind
(e.g. "pie", "cake", "twinkie", etc.)

When you put them all together, it turns out that You, my friend, are a "fucking pork pie".

I hope this was helpful.

For A Good Time, Fuck Off

This shit is off the wall in the ladies' room at The Palladium in Woostah, Mass.

Believe it or not...

There was a time when Me & Afterbirth actually drew heads to shows, held their attention, kept them amused, and performed FULL sets, without getting the plug pulled.
Those days are long gone, but it's nice to reminisce...
I stumbled across this old setlist of ours that survived a performance in Sound Beach, NY, awhile back (laminated yo!).
I can't believe how massive this set was, and the fact that we actually performed the whole thing...
I think I have a video of it laying around somewhere...
But I'm not posting it, cuz I'm an asshole.
You knew that though.

Blast From The Past: Me & Barry Williams

This is a picture of an old photo of me & Barry "Greg Brady" Williams at a Monkees Concert. Note the filthy dreads on my chubby head & the uncomfortable look on his face.