Monday, December 21, 2009

True Tales From My Inbox: "You Should Be In Porn"

This morning I got a message on the ol' myspace page, from some random weirdo, soliciting me to appear in an adult film. This is the conversation that ensued, word for word, atrocious grammar intact. Feel free to act out this exchange as if it were a play.
Names have been changed to prevent publicity.

------------ Original Message ------------

Him: wanna do porn?

Me: Not with you pal.

Him: nope im recruiting for my home girl she has yahoo messenger if u wanna talk to her bout it

Me: Who's your girl, what's she look like, has she had a blood test, who's filming it, and how much does it pay?

Him: My girl [REDACTED] she has yahoo messenger if u wanna talk to her

Me: Yeah, you said that already.

Him: sry i meant to ask if u have yahoo messenger her sn is [REDACTED]

Me: I generally handle business over the phone.
The number's on my page.
Tell her to get at me & we'll hammer something out.

Him: Well she like to handle business via internet till she hires a scretary but she needs money for that i'm just the messenger i'm also guessing cuz she can do an online interview or chat wit cam n pics

Me: Well, I have a lot of shit on my plate, and I can't sit on a computer all day with some chick interviewing for a role in some shitty porn flick.

Him: together the interview will talk 1hr-1hr n 1/2

Me: And it would take 10 minutes on the phone. Tell this bitch to get her shit together.

Him: well if u sent the pics while chatting with her then ya it would take like 30 mins its her first time

Me: I don't have time for that shit. There are pics and videos of me all over the Internet. If you want me in the film, act like a fucking professional & handle your shit properly. No more myspace messages, no instant messages. If I don't hear a human voice on the other end of my phone, I'm not dealing with you kids.

Him: umm its a comapny trying to start up im just helpin in online recruiment i told u where to go if u wanted to get things set up n i understand u have pics n vids online but the company is goin to need nudes cuz its an adult film

Me: It all sounds like bullshit to me.

Him: take a risk

Me: Go fuck yourself.

Him: y??? u could do it for me i was making a simple suggestion

Me: I thought I was pretty clear about this. I'm not fucking with any of this bullshit. I don't know you, I don't owe you shit, I really don't care about being in this alleged film enough to deal with this nonsense, and I'm not sending pictures of my dick to a random yahoo address.
So fuck off & good luck.

end conversation.

1 comment:

  1. "Take a risk," was not the appropriate response. I hate that guy. I hope he gets Cystic Fibrosis.


Talk some shit.