Self Portrait, circa 2000-2001

Sketch From My Notebook

This is a fuckin juggler.

Blueprint: The Shittiest Bong Ever

My father and I actually attempted to build this ill-fated piece of paraphernalia.
It consisted of a cannibalized chamber-bowl, an extraneous elbow joint with the bottom drilled out, an extra bowl piece, some surgical tubing, and an aquarium filter.

Sketch From My Notebook

A mostly naked librarian-type chick.
Inspired by a pictorial in Club International.

Sketch From My Notebook

While under the influence of AMT.
Your guess is as good as mine.

Blast From The Past: Me & Sindee Williams

This is a picture of Porn Star Sindee Williams, and my goofy ass in face paint at GOTJ in Peoria, Illinois, back in 2002.
I'm not sure if those are bite marks or herpes on her chest, but whatever they are, she didn't get them from me. And believe me, I was trying to kick some game.
Earlier in the day, before this picture was taken, I was outside my hotel, chillin with random motherfuckers in the parking lot. I was chilling with some funny chubby motherfucker for like an hour, when out of nowhere, "Missy" comes walking up with a bag of food for him.
It turns out, he was her son. I remember as if it was a meal ago, she went out to get dinner for him, but wasn't sure if he wanted Chicken, or Waffles, so she got him BOTH, plus fries and biscuits for good measure.

Build an insult with fM

Time for a little english lesson.
I'm going to share with you my own custom method for creating an impromptu all purpose insult which may or may not be funny or offensive.
Let's see how it goes.

This is a three step process...

Step one- you start out with a known vulgarity, used as a verb
(e.g. "fucking", "shitting", "cunting", etc.)

Step two- choose your favorite (or least favorite) meat product.
(e.g. "pork", scrapple", "slim jim", etc.)

Step three- choose the most delicious pastry that comes to mind
(e.g. "pie", "cake", "twinkie", etc.)

When you put them all together, it turns out that You, my friend, are a "fucking pork pie".

I hope this was helpful.

For A Good Time, Fuck Off

This shit is off the wall in the ladies' room at The Palladium in Woostah, Mass.

Believe it or not...

There was a time when Me & Afterbirth actually drew heads to shows, held their attention, kept them amused, and performed FULL sets, without getting the plug pulled.
Those days are long gone, but it's nice to reminisce...
I stumbled across this old setlist of ours that survived a performance in Sound Beach, NY, awhile back (laminated yo!).
I can't believe how massive this set was, and the fact that we actually performed the whole thing...
I think I have a video of it laying around somewhere...
But I'm not posting it, cuz I'm an asshole.
You knew that though.

Blast From The Past: Me & Barry Williams

This is a picture of an old photo of me & Barry "Greg Brady" Williams at a Monkees Concert. Note the filthy dreads on my chubby head & the uncomfortable look on his face.